- I'm Statler.

- I'm Waldorf.

We're here to heckle

The Muppet Movie.

That's straight ahead,

private screening room "D."

- Private screening?

- They're afraid to show it in public!

Look at this place.

What a dump!

Bunch of weirdos around here.

Look at 'em.

- Yes, I know you all want to...

- Lady, is this seat taken?

What... Hey, you!

Bring that back!

I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny,

I won't be able to live with myself.

Well, then you'll have to get

another apartment, won't you?

I hear this movie is dynamite.

Get your fresh organic popcorn,

only a buck.

- Buy me some, please.

- Sure, Mama.

- Nothin's too good for my woman.

- Woman! Woman! Woman!

- I like the movie fine so far.

- It hasn't started yet.

That's what I like about it!

Do it!

Oh, hey, Mr. Defrog!

Is it okay for me and my boomerang fish

to be in your movie?

Hey!

I told you, Luke, not in the movie

or at the screening.

Hey, but watch.

Kermit, does this film have

socially redeeming value?

I certainly hope so, Sam.

Sorry about that.

- Kermie!

- Hi, Piggy.

I tried to save you a seat,

but somebody took it.

Hi, everybody, and welcome to

the first screening of The Muppet Movie.

But before we begin, I'd like to thank

everyone who contributed to this film...

starting with the little people,

from the hairdressers...

to special effects...

- That's enough of that, Harry!

- Blow it up! Blow it up!

To the costume designers,

to the prop makers...

Speeches are not necessary, dear.

Roll the film.

But I'd like

to thank everybody...

for all of their hard work

and patience...

Roll film! Roll film!

Roll film!

Excuse me.

Uncle Kermit, is this about how

the Muppets really got started?

Well, it's sort of

approximately how it happened.

Why are there so many

Songs about rainbows

And what's on the other side

Rainbows are visions

But only illusions

And rainbows have nothing to hide

So we've been told

And some choose to believe it

I know they're wrong

Wait and see

Someday we'll find it

The rainbow connection

The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish

Would be heard and answered

When wished on the morning star

Somebody thought of that

And someone believed it

Look what it's done so far

What's so amazing

That keeps us stargazing

And what do we think

we might see

Someday we'll find it

The rainbow connection

The lovers, the dreamers and me

All of us under its spell

We know that it's probably

Magic

Have you been half asleep

And have you heard voices

I've heard them calling my name

Is this the sweet sound

That calls the young sailors

The voice might be one and the same

I've heard it too many times

To ignore it

It's something

that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it

The rainbow connection

The lovers, the dreamers and me

Help! Hello!

This is a serious call for help.

- Yeah?

- Someone help!

You with the banjo,

can you help me?

I have lost

my sense of direction.

Have you tried Hare Krishna?

No, I mean, I'm really lost!

One second.

Darn, I missed.

That's the first thing

to go on a frog, his tongue.

The tongue goes and you

can't catch flies.

I'm sorry about your tongue,

but I have to get out of this swamp.

- I have to catch a plane.

- With that tongue? No way.

- There's a boat dock just downstream.

- Thank you.

- Just watch out for the alligators.

- I will.

- Alligators?

- That's right.

- Did you say alligators?

- Read my lips... alligators.

I'm not used to alligators

where I come from.

See, I'm an agent.

I winged in from Hollywood.

- Hollywood?

- That's right.

- Did you say Hollywood?

- Read my lips... Hollywood.

You know... Hollywood

The dream factory. The magic store.

Hey, don't you ever

go to the movies?

Sure, there's a double feature

in town every Saturday.

- Wait a minute.

- What?

There's an ad in here that you

should be very interested in.

Feast your eyes on that.

"World Wide Studios announces

open auditions for frogs...

wishing to become rich and famous."

Thanks anyway, but I'm really

pretty happy where I am.

If I were you, I would give this

audition very careful consideration.

You've got talent, kid...

singin', tellin'jokes.

I mean, if you get your tongue fixed,

who knows?

You could make

millions of people happy.

Millions of people happy.

Millions!

If you ever come west...

to Hollywood, look me up...

Bernie, the agent.

Listen, Bernie the agent, why don't

you say hello to Arnie the alligator?

- What!

- Arnie!

- Arnie, wait a minute. Careful.

- Stay! Stay!

Arnie, leave him alone.

He's from Hollywood.

Hollywood. Gee.

Well, I'd miss

this old swamp, but...

millions of people happy.

What the...

Okay, you guys,

do what I tell you.

I don't know where your...

Don't step on that asphalt!

We gotta get this...

Off the asphalt!

I told you, stay off the asphalt!

Hey, look at him.

- What are those big legs?

- Hey, you on the bike!

Watch out! Watch out!

Oh, my gosh!

That's pretty dangerous, building a road

in the middle of the street.

I mean, if frogs couldn't hop,

I'd be gone with the Schwinn.

"The El Sleezo Cafe."

Foreign food.

Doesn't smell promising,

but...

a frog's gotta eat.

Wow.

Rough place, huh?

That the toughest, meanest, filthiest

pest hole on the face of the Earth!

- Why not complain to the owner?

- I am the owner.

Watch out. Hot plates

comin' through. Look out.

You got your french-fried

frog legs au gratin...

you got your frog legs almandine,

you got your frog legs stroganoff.

Everybody happy?

All right.

Hello, sailor.

Buy me a drink?

I'm not a sailor,

I'm a frog.

- Cut the small talk and buy me a drink.

- I don't even know you.

Hey, you makin'

a move on my girl?

- No, sir.

- He did too. He touched me.

Go wash!

You'll get warts.

- No, that's just a myth.

- Yeah, but she's my "mith"!

No, no, myth, myth!

- Yes?

- What the hey?

Show time!

Show time at the El Sleezo.

And now, filling in for the vacationing

El Sleezo dancing girls...

the funny, furry, fabulous...

Fozzie Bear!

You're a great crowd!

Thank you, thank you and thank you!

Here I am, Fozzie Bear,

to tell you jokes both old and rare!

Get off the stage!

Let's start things off

with a bang!

Thank you, sir.

This guy's lost.

Maybe he should try

Hare Krishna.

Good grief.

It's a running gag.

There was this sailor

who was so fat...

How fat was he?

He was so fat

that everybody liked him...

and there was nothing

funny about him at all.

No problem!

Please!

Oh, please!

I'm trying so hard.

Please don't get mad.

I'm a professional.

I've had three performances.

- Curtain! Curtain!

- Do you know any dance routines?

What? Not really. Do you?

- Play something snappy.

- You got it.

- Now dance!

- What?

Dance!

It's too bad the dancing girls

are on vacation.

The crowd is getting ugly.

You think this crowd's ugly,

you should see the dancing girls!

Two, three, four.

- Two, three, kick!

- Kick. Yeah, sorry.

Comin' home!

I just cleaned the fur, please!

I hope you appreciate that

I'm doing all my own stunts.

Okay, everybody,

drinks on the house!

- Drinks on the house!

- Yeah! Go, go! On the house!

I don't see no drinks up here.

What's he talkin' about?

The bartender said there

were drinks on the house.

- Works every time.

- Huh. Wow.

My name is Kermit the Frog,

and I'm on my way to Hollywood.

- Hollywood?

- You want to join me?

Big-time show biz!

That's always been my dream.

They're holding auditions

for frogs next week.

And if they need frogs,

they must need bears too.

My car's right outside!

Gee, a Studebaker.

Where'd you get it?

- My uncle left it to me.

- Is he dead?

No, he's hibernating.

You know, Fozzie, you really

do have a lot of talent.

- Thank you.

- How about we put together an act?

Nope. Sorry.

I only work as a single.

Okay.

All right, you talked me into it!

We'll be a team!

- Oh, good.

- What's this?

- You better pull over here.

- Yes, sir.

Hey, what's goin' on?

Howdy, Mr. Frog.

- I'm a businessman with a proposition.

- What?

Let me show you somethin' that

might change your whole life.

Hop right over here,

my little green friend.

- Listen, mister...

- That's it.

This is the kind of chance

you can't afford to pass up.

Now, now, don't be afraid.

Watch the window.

What's that?

Hi, I'm Doc Hopper...

invitin'you to hop on down and get

some Hopper's french-fried frog legs...

right here, at the sign

of the bright green legs!

Good grief!

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Frog legs, frog legs

Frog legs so fine

Hopper's is the place

you should dine

There's cheese legs

bacon legs, chili legs too

- French-fried frog legs, barbecued

- Oh, Fozzie.

- If you want just a snack

- Don't worry.

Then here is the one

A frog-leg burger

on a bright green bun

That is terrible! That's the most

revolting thing I've ever seen!

I know. I'm a great businessman

and a sweet fella...

but I do lack the skills

of a performer.

You also make a lousy frog!

You, on the other hand,

make a terrific frog!

- What?

- He's right. You are very likable.

The bear's right.

You, my little likable friend...

are gonna do all our

television commercials!

- No way!

- Just a minute.

There's $500 in it for you,

up front.

$500 is just the beginnin'.

You could be earnin'

this much every year.

- Let's go, Fozzie.

- $500?

Would you consider

a bear in a frog suit?

- Fozzie!

- I just lost my head.

Just a minute, Mr. Frog.

Everything's negotiable.

- Okay, here we go. Sorry!

- Hey, that's my Caddy!

- Just get it in gear, Fozzie!

- Yes, sir. Here we go!

This is money we're talkin' about.

Max!

Follow that frog!

Max!

Follow that frog

with me in the car!

I'm sorry, Doc, I just got excited.

Isn't the frog terrific?

- Terrific. Now go!

- But you promised me a reward.

Later, Max.

Now follow that frog!

- It's a gorgeous day.

- Yep, certainly is.

- Yep, terrific day for a drive.

- Beautiful country out here.

A frog and a bear,

seeing America!

Movin'right along in search

of good times and good news

With good friends you can't lose

This could become a habit

Opportunity knocks once

Let's reach out and grab it

Together we'll nab it

We'll hitchhike

bus or Yellow Cab it

Cab it?

Movin'right along

Footloose and fancy free

Getting there is half the fun

Come share it with me

Movin'right along

We'll learn to share the load

We don't need a map to keep

this show on the road

Fozzie, turn left if you

come to a fork in the road.

Yes, sir, turn left at

the fork in the road.

- Turn left!

- I don't believe that.

Movin'right along

we've found a life on the highway

And your way is my way

So trust my navigation

California, here we come

The pie-in-the-sky land

Palm trees and warm sand

Though sadly we just

left Rhode Island

- We did what?

- Just forget it.

- Movin'right along

- Hey, LA, where've you gone

Send someone to fetch us

We're in Saskatchewan

Movin'right along

You take it

You know best

Hey, I've never seen the sun

come up in the west

Ah, a bear in his natural habitat...

a Studebaker.

- Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead.

- What is that?

Maybe we should give him a ride.

I don't know, he's pretty big.

- Hey, there, want a lift?

- No, thanks.

I'm on my way

to New York City...

to try to break into

public television.

Good luck.

Movin'right along

We're truly birds of a feather

We're in this together

And we know where we're goin'

Movie stars with flashy cars

and life with the top down

We're stormin'the big town

- Stormin's right. Should it be snowing?

- No, I don't think so.

Movin'right along

Footloose and fancy free

- You're ready for the big time

- Is it ready for me

Movin'right along

Hey, Fozzie.

Look up ahead there.

There's one of those

Doc Hopper billboards.

- Maybe you better pull over.

- Yes, sir.

Look at that.

Kermit, that's you!

You got the picture, boy?

You see what I mean?

Kermit the Frog, symbol of

Doc Hopper's French-Fried Frog Legs.

Isn't that splendid?

Just take a look at it.

All I can see are millions

of frogs on tiny crutches.

Now listen, boy, don't you

want to be rich and famous?

- Not workin' for you, I don't!

- That's right.

- Crutches?

- Shut up, Max!

We're a small-time operation...

but we're expandin',

just like you frogs expand!

- Don't you frogs expand?

- That's a myth!

- What?

- Myth, myth!

Yes?

- Burn rubber.

- Yes, sir.

Hey, frog!

That's the second time!

Max, I've done

my best with that frog.

Now's the time to do my worst.

Open the door.

- No, you open the door!

- What?

I'm through, Doc.

The frog is right.

You're asking him to do something

terrible. I can't be a part of it.

It's a moral decision,

and I'll stand by it!

- I'll double your percentage.

- I'll open the door.

- Kermit, where are we?

- Well, let's see.

We were just travelling down

this little black line here...

and we just crossed that

little red line over there.

Let's take the blue line, huh?

- We can't take that. That's a river.

- I knew that.

- Yeah, sure.

- Listen, why don't we just go...

- Fozzie?

- Yeah?

Who's driving?

- Look out! Stop!

- No problem!

- Okay, back it up.

- Yes, sir.

Fozzie, where did you

learn to drive?

I took a correspondence course.

- This looks like a nice, quiet spot.

- Uh-huh.

It feels like we've been

driving for days.

- Funny, I'm still wide awake.

- Me too.

Me too.

I'm up! I'm up!

What's that?

They don't look like

Presbyterians to me.

Hey, cool it, everybody!

Our gentle mornin' melodies have

attracted wanderin' admirers.

- Hey, who are you guys?

- We am, is, are and be...

they whom as are known as

the Electric Mayhem.

For sure!

He's Dr. Teeth!

Golden teeth and golden tones.

Welcome to my presence.

- Thank you.

- Fozzie...

I'm Floyd.

I blow bass.

And I'm...

Zoot.

Sax is your axe.

Uh-oh, Zoot skipped a groove again.

Wow, like, I'm Janice

on lead guitar, for sure.

That's Animal.

Show 'em what you do, Animal!

I want to eat drums!

No, no, beat drums!

Beat drums!

Beat drums! Beat drums!

- Down, Animal! Back! Sit!

- Down, back, sit!

Hey, don't forget about me.

I'm Scooter,

the band's road manager.

Yeah, we couldn't go

anywhere without him.

- He's the man with the contacts?

- No, he's the man with the van!

We're takin' this old church

and turnin' it into a coffee house.

Yeah, with real good music

and organic refreshments.

Boy, it'll be so fine and laid back

and mellow and profitable.

Yeah, but what

brings you dudes here?

Listen, see, Kermit here

was living in the swamp.

- Fozzie...

- Then a fisherman came along.

You can't tell 'em the whole story.

You'll bore the audience.

Oh, sorry.

But, Kermit.

- The band here wants to know.

- Let 'em read the screenplay.

Yes, sir!

See, it starts here on page one.

The Muppet Movie, huh?

Let's see.

"Exterior. Swamp. Day.

In a long helicopter shot

we discover Kermit the Frog...

playin' his banjo and singin'.

A Hollywood agent starts

the frog traveling west.

Doc Hopper comes on strong

and they get to this church.

Interior. Church. Day. Fozzie.

They don't look like

Presbyterians to me.

Kermit and Fozzie come walkin'

down the aisle...

to the thunderously loud music...

of Dr. Teeth

and the Electric Mayhem."

Which am us!

Yeah! Yeah!

This is a narrative of

very heavy-duty proportions.

Cosmic, man. We gotta keep this little

froggy away from this Hopper dude.

Too true.

Too true.

It is indeed a problem for

us to "probosculate" upon.

But it seems the frog and the bear

are temporarily out of service.

Wow, like, what

can we do to help them?

- Well, if this were the movies...

- Which it is.

We'd think of

a clever plot device.

Like disguising their car

so they won't be recognized.

Right, two, three, four.

Oh, yeah

All right

Anybody's lover

Everybody's brother

I wanna be your lifetime friend

Crazy as a rocket

Nothin'in my pocket

I keep it at the rainbow's end

I never think of money

I think of milk and honey

Grinnin'like a Cheshire cat

I focus on the pleasure

Somethin'I can treasure

Can ya picture that

Can ya picture that

Oh, yeah

So high

Hey Floyd, take a verse!

Let me take your picture

Add it to the mixture

There it is

I gotcha now

Really nothin'to it

Anyone can do it

It's easy and we all know how

Now begins the changin'

Mental rearrangin'

Nothing's really where it's at

Now the Eiffel Tower's

holding up a flower

I gave it to a Texas cat

Fact is there's nothing

out there you can't do

Yeah, even Santa Claus

believes in you

Beat down your walls

Begin, believe, begat

Be a better drummer

Be an up-and-comer

- Can you picture that

- Can you baggy that

All of us are winnin'

Pickin'and a-grinnin'

Lordy, but I love to jam

jelly-belly gigglin'

Dancin'and a-wigglin'

Honey, that's the way I am

I lost my heart in Texas

Northern Lights affect us

I keep it underneath my hat

Aurora Borealis shinin'down on Dallas

Can you picture that

Can you picture that

- Can you picture

- You got to see it in your mind

- Can you picture

- Yo, it's quick and easy to find

- Can you picture

- You don't have to buy a frame

Can you picture

Can you picture that

Can you picture that

- Use it if you need it

- Don't forget to feed it

Can you picture that

Doc Hopper will never

recognize you now.

I don't know how

to thank you guys.

- I don't know why to thank you guys.

- Our pleasure, green stuff.

Are you sure you won't come

with us to Hollywood?

Can't, baby.

But when you get rich and famous...

maybe we'll show up

and exploit your wealth.

Movin' right along, Fozzie.

Bye-bye! Bye-bye!

Hollywood! Hollywood!

Remember,

this frog does everything.

He talks, he sings,

he dances, he tells jokes.

He even rides a bicycle.

Max, find me a frog and a bear

in a tan Studebaker.

Gee, Doc, all I can see is a frog and

a bear in a rainbow-colored Studebaker.

- What?

- What?

- Fozzie, they're right behind us!

- I know! I know!

- How did they recognize us?

- They recognized you.

- What do you mean?

- There's a hundred bears around.

I'm gaining on 'em, Doc!

- Can't you drive any faster?

- No, sir.

Pull in front of that sign.

- Now duck.

- What?

- Get down, Fozzie.

- Yes, sir.

Oh, yeah?

Uh-huh, yeah.

I tell ya, Camilla.

Great plumbers are born, not made.

I'm a prince of the plunger,

fair maiden.

Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. We'll do that.

Just wait till we get there.

Fozzie, look at that

funny little truck.

- Yeah. Cute, huh?

- No, it's coming straight at us.

We're gonna hit!

- We missed it.

- Oh? You call that a miss?

I'm getting in your car.

- You guys okay?

- Why are you hopping up and down?

- Because I'm hopping mad.

- Guy's got a sense of humor.

- Hey, why don't you join us?

- Where are you going?

- We're following our dream.

- Really? I have a dream too.

- Oh?

- But you'll think it's stupid.

- No, I won't.

- Tell us. Tell us.

I wanna go to Bombay, India,

and become a movie star.

You don't go to Bombay

to become a movie star.

You go where we're going...

Hollywood!

Sure, if you wanna do it

the easy way.

We picked up a weirdo.

Hey, look up ahead.

There's Mad Man Mooney's.

- What's that?

- That's a used car lot.

Maybe we can trade in both

these old cars and get one big one.

- Wait, trade in my uncle's Studebaker?

- Sure.

- When he wakes up, he'll kill me.

- You're swingin' this turn very wide.

Hold it, will ya?

Here we go. Up the bump.

Okay, here we go. Hold on.

- Pull it up ahead there.

- Look at these cars!

- Are you gonna sell my plunger too?

- No, he's not.

Look at 'em up there.

Pull it up a little farther.

Where shall I stop?

How should I stop?

- A little bit farther.

- Okay. Here?

- Everybody out of the car.

- Okay. Chickens first.

My dear friends, welcome to

Mad Man Mooney's hubcap heaven.

Today is your lucky day.

- It is?

- Yes, it is. You, for example.

- You're drivin' the wrong car.

- I am?

I can put you in this German

street machine for only $2,000.

Less a $12 trade-in

on your old vehicle.

Now, this car is one

of the greatest...

Detachable fenders

for narrow garages.

No, thanks.

What is this pile of...

Jack, get rid of this heap.

Come out here!

What?

What, what?

What's the matter with you?

That's myJack.

- Hi, Jack.

- Jack not name. Jack job.

How many times have I told you

not to talk to the customers?

- Yeah, I know...

- Just move this. You understand?

Wow!

Friends, Mad Man Mooney doesn't believe

in all that dealing and wheeling.

No, the price on the sticker

is the price you pay.

And never more and never less.

We'll take that one for $11.95.

- What?

- Less our $12 trade-in.

You owe us a nickel.

Thank you very much. Hey, we're

all going to Hollywood. Wanna come?

- Hollywood!

- That's strange. He just ran away.

- Moving right along, Fozzie.

- Yes, sir.

- Watch where you're going now, Fozzie.

- Yes, sir.

Hey! Wait!

Where are ya goin'?

Hey! Wait for me!

I wanna go to Hollywood!

Hey! Wait for me!

Come on, guys!

Wait, please!

I wanna go to Hollywood!

Testing, one, two, three.

Testing. Can you hear me?

It's time to announce the winner of

this year's Bogen County Beauty Pageant.

- We sure grow 'em pretty around here.

- What's that?

All right, here they are.

- The first runner-up...

- What's over there?

- is Debbie Sue Anderson.

- See?

Nice-looking girls, huh?

- Wow! Nice-looking chickens.

- What?

- No hard feelings, honey.

- Before announcing the winner...

I think we should thank

the judges of today's contest...

Edgar Bergen

and Charlie McCarthy.

You're not gonna believe

who the winner is, folks.

- Come now, Charlie. It's their movie.

- So 'tis.

And here she is, folks,

this year's Miss Bogen County...

Miss Piggy!

Thank you.

Wow! It's a pig!

Did you see that?

Thank you, everyone.

Thank you.

Oh, Debbie Sue.

Oh, Ama Jane.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Kissy-kissy.

Kissy-kissy.

Thank you.

- Kermit, you know...

- Not right now, Fozzie.

I just want to say one thing.

This is the happiest

moment of my...

Never before

Have two souls joined so freely

And so fast

For me this is the first time

and the last

Is this an angel's wish

For men

Never before

And never again

And where to find the words

to sing its won'th

This love was bound for Heaven

Not for Earth

This love was meant

To light the stars

But when we touched

We made it ours

And could they take it back

Oh, no, they wouldn't dare

Why should they take it back

When there's enough

To share with all the world

And fill the heavens above

With leftover love

Never before

A love that keeps on growing

On and on

To fill each lover's heart

And light the dawn

Is this an angel's wish

For men

Never before

And never again

Never before

And never again

Excuse me.

- Yes. Of course.

- Listen.

Congratulations on winning

the beauty contest.

Thank you. Of course, normally,

I don't do anything so trivial.

- I am an actress/model.

- Oh, is that right? Well, um...

I'm gonna be a performer too.

Hey, Kermit,

who's the cute-lookin' pig?

I beg your pardon.

If you were a chicken,

you'd be impeccable.

Hey, I thought we were

gonna go get some ice cream.

In a minute.

I'll join you.

Well, what are you doing in town...

short, green and handsome?

- Well, we're headed west.

- Really?

Yeah, but I should join

my friends for ice cream.

You want to come along?

Me? You mean it?

I'll be right back.

Don't move!

Hello, I'd like an ice cream.

Hello, I'd like an ice cream.

What do you want?

Chocolate, vanilla, coffee, peach fudge?

- Rum banana?

- Honey.

Honey? I beg your pardon.

I hardly know ya.

But seriously, I'd like

a honey ice-cream cone for me...

and a dragonfly ripple

for my friend, the frog.

Okay, one honey cone

for the bear.

- One dragonfly ripple for the frog.

- Yucky.

- Don't get 'em mixed up.

- Gotcha.

All right, Camilla,

I'll get you a balloon.

But you have to pick the color.

Red or green?

- Can I give you a word of advice?

- What?

Why not take both?

What a wild idea!

Yeah, a beautiful chicken

like that deserves two balloons.

You're right.

I have guys in all the time.

Sometimes they get a bunch

of balloons for their girls.

- They go gaga for it.

- Gaga? I'll take the whole bunch.

I wonder where they went?

- Where's your pig friend?

- I'm not really sure.

She said she was coming

for ice cream, but...

Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!

Here I am!

Here I am! I'm packed!

I'm packed!

- Yeah, so I see. What for?

- You said I could come with you.

Yeah, but, to buy ice cream,

not to Hollywood.

- We're going to Hollywood!

- No! I mean, listen.

When I said...

Well, when you heard...

Oh, brother.

What?

- What are you doing?

- About seven knots.

- We'll follow you. To the car!

- Yes, sir!

Gonzo, we're coming!

- Step on it, Fozzie.

- Yes, sir.

- Kermit, you're a born leader.

- Where is he?

Isn't this great?

Here I am, floating in space.

This is the place to be.

Whoopee!

- Fozzie, bear left.

- What?

- Bear left.

- Right, frog.

- What? That's cute.

- Never mind.

This is...

Look at our little car down there.

This is like flying.

Maybe this is flying.

I'm flying! Whoopee!

Doc, isn't that a frog up there?

No, that's a frog down here.

He's caught in a crosswind, Fozzie.

We're gonna lose him.

Oh, no!

- What are you doin', Doc?

- I'm goin' after their tires.

We're okay now. The wind shifted.

Wait a minute.

Stay with him, Fozzie.

He's right above us.

- He's okay.

- Yeah. Hi, Gonzo!

- Fozzie, come back in here!

- What? Yes, sir.

- Watch down the road!

- Kermit!

Look out for the billboard!

- Take off, Fozzie!

- Yes, sir!

Come back, you!

No frog's gonna make

a monkey outta me!

- I'm back.

- I don't understand any of this.

I just gotta

catch up with those guys!

Kermit. You were so courageous,

so magnificent.

Gee, I don't know what to say.

Say the bear was magnificent.

After all, I did the driving.

And I took a 100-foot belly flop

onto a moving car.

Yes, but, Kermit assumed

the awesome responsibility...

of command.

- Gee.

- Oh, brother.

Why don't we stop

somewhere for the night...

and have a quiet,

little dinner for two?

Terrific!

I'll eat with you, Miss Piggy.

Not you, buzzard beak!

Just mon capitaine...

and moi.

Well,

that might be nice.

Wow.

Good evening, Miss Piggy.

You look lovely tonight.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry

if I kept you waiting.

It was won'th it.

How charming of vous.

I took the liberty

of ordering us some wine.

Oh, waiter.

Yes?

May I help you?

The wine, please.

You mad, impetuous fink.

It's champagne.

Not exactly.

Sparkling muscatel.

One of the finest wines of Idaho.

- You may serve us now, please.

- May I?

- Look how he does that.

- Yeah. Pretty suave.

Don't you want to smell

the bottle cap?

- Smells good.

- Yeah.

Would you like

to taste it first?

Well...

- I think he's supposed to.

- Would you taste it for us, please?

Excellent choice.

Should be for 95 cents.

- And may we have straws, please?

- Yes.

I expected that.

Thank you.

That'll be all for now.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you!

Here's to you, Miss Piggy.

Drink up.

Makes me giggly.

The wine?

Everything.

It's a beautiful evening,

isn't it?

Uh-huh.

And the moon

is just lovely.

But you know, Miss Piggy...

the moon doesn't look like you.

Miss Piggy! Miss Piggy!

- Are you Miss Piggy?

- Yes?

Telephone.

I did place one phone call

to my agent.

It'll only be

an eensy-teensy moment.

What the hey.

Evenin'.

Rowlf. Rowlf the Dog.

Sit yourself down.

- Kermit. Kermit the Frog.

- Pleased to meet ya.

I'm no Heifetz,

but I get by.

That was...

That was very nice.

Whoa, hey,

broken heart, right?

Does it show?

Listen, when you've been ticklin'

the ivories as long as I have...

you've seen a broken heart

for every drop of rain.

A shattered dream

for every fallen star.

Exactly.

She just walked out on me.

- Typical. That's why I live alone.

- You do, huh?

You bet.

I finish work,

I go home, read a book...

have a couple of beers,

take myself for a walk and go to bed.

Nice and simple.

- Stay away from women. That's my motto.

- But I can't.

Neither can I.

That's my trouble.

You can't live with 'em

You can't live without 'em

There's something

irresistible-ish about 'em

We grin and bear it

'cause the nights are long

I hope that somethin'better

comes along

I see what you mean.

It's no good complainin'

and pointless to holler

If she's a beauty

she'll get under your collar

She made a monkey

out of old King Kong

I hope that somethin'better

comes along

Still, it's fun

when you're fetchin'

And agree to see an etching

That you keep at your lily pad

There is no solution

It's part of evolution

The pitter patter of soles

The little feet of tadpoles

Rowlf, tadpoles don't have feet.

Sorry about that.

Two, three, four.

There's no limitation

to mixin'and matchin'

Some get an itchin'for a critter

they've been scratchin'

A skunk was badgered

The results were strong

I hope that something better

I hope that something better

I hope that something better

comes along

Phone call for Kermit the Frog!

- You Kermit the Frog?

- Yeah.

Phone.

It's not that often you see a guy

that green have the blues that bad.

Kermie, please!

- Piggy, is that you?

- Yes, that's her.

And this is Doc Hopper.

Now you listen, frog, and listen good.

Step outside the motel right now.

My guys'll meet you there.

Well,

what if I don't?

Then your girlfriend

will be ham hocks by breakfast.

Kermie, don't, don't!

Are you the guys

I'm supposed to meet?

Good, Glen. That's good.

Nice and tight.

- The professor's here, Doc.

- Show him in. Show him in.

Kermie, I'm not a bit worried.

I know you're planning

something bold and clever.

Well, I got us

this far, didn't I?

- How are you?

- Professor Krassman.

It's good to see you, Doc,

you little rustic devil, you.

Where's my victim?

I mean, patient.

- Step this way, Professor.

- Of course.

Let me introduce you

to your patient.

Prof. Krassman is

the world's leading authority...

on mind control in frogs.

It's a very rapidly growing field.

You like garlic, don't you?

Tell us what you're gonna do

to our little Kermit.

Well, we're going to perform

an electronic "cerebrectomy."

- A what?

- An electronic cerebrectomy!

What's that?

It's something so sensational

that you'll have to hold on to your hat.

- Yes?

- When a German scientist says...

"Hold on to your hat,"

it's not casual conversation.

Hold on to your hat!

Hat, hold! Good!

Now, what we're going to do is bring out

a machine that's going to wow you.

Bertram, Bertram,

bring out the machine!

Wait till you see this. You think

we're sleeping in Dusseldorf?

You think we're taking a nap

in Cologne? No, we're working at night.

Each night, a new dial,

a new knob, a diode.

- Electronic ce...

- Cerebrectomy.

- Electronic cerebrectomy.

- What does it do?

What does it do?

It turns the brains into guacamole.

First of all,

I'll pull out of this, okay?

Wonderful.

Second?

Halt!

I detest the surfeit

of provincial laughter.

Now, we take your friend,

the little "F-O-R-G"...

put him in the chair,

clamp on the terminals...

drop the electronic yarmulke...

and throw, what we call

in German, the switch.

Yes, you little green devil...

soon it'll be a hot time

at the old skull tonight.

Thank you, Herr Machine.

Now, the frog will do your bidding.

He will do your every whim, He will do

your television commercial, yes.

He will sell your frogs' legs.

- Zaparooni.

- Head full of jelly.

- A noggin full of library paste!

- Let's fry them brains!

- You've got a fun job.

- I love it, I love it.

If I could inflict a little pain during

the afternoon, I sleep good at night.

- We'll let you get on with it, then.

- My pleasure.

Max.

I'll be back later

to pick up what's left of the frog.

"What's left of the frog." You can have

everything, excuse the brain.

All right.

Bring over the frog.

Kermie, whatever happens next...

I wouldn't give up

this evening together for anything.

- Would you?

- Make me an offer.

Okay, I got him.

I got him.

Good, good.

And why don't we take

a little seat, Kermit?

Hold his hands down.

Get your feeties in place.

Will you

stop whimpering?

Go out like a frog,

not a little toad.

Okay, Herr Machine, this is

big time here. Ready to go to work?

Hand clamps!

Foot clamps!

You can struggle

all you want now, frog.

It'll do you

very little good.

All right. And now

it's time to drop...

the electronic beanie.

Soon there'll be enough voltage coursing

through your little frog brain...

to light up Cincinnati.

- Here we go.

- Oh, please! Not my frog, please!

- Say good-bye to the frog, pig.

- Why should I?

Because in ten seconds,

he won't know you from kosher bacon.

That does it!

What the heck's goin' on here?

A pig that goes bananas?

What is this, a luau?

Where'd she go?

Oh, boys.

There she is! Get her!

I must reach the switch.

I must!

- Switch... I must reach...

- Oh, no.

- Now, Kermie.

- Thank you.

Well...

shall we go now, Kermie?

Well...

Just a second.

What?

Piggy, it's your agent.

Thank you.

Yeah, Morty.

What have you got?

Commercial?

How much? When?

Take it.

Good-bye!

What happened?

Flip, flip, flip, flip.

Don't worry, Animal.

Your big scene is coming up.

Yeah, yeah. Just be cool and

eat another seat cushion.

Seat cushion!

Well, how do you

like the film?

I've seen detergents that

leave a better film than this.

I don't care what anybody else says.

I'm having a great time.

Oh, good.

- The "flim" is okey-dokey.

- Good. Roll film.

"Flim" is "rooling."

Quiet, quiet.

This is the patriotic part.

- Should we stand up?

- No.

Oh, beautiful

for spacious skies

For amber waves of grain

For purple mountains'majesties

Above the fruited plain

America, America

God shed His grace on thee

And crown thy good

with brotherhood

From sea to

Shining sea

Patriotism swells in the heart

of the American bear.

Hold it, boys. Hold it!

Hold your fire!

Now, boys, no reflection

on the job you been doin'...

but I decided

to bring in a specialist.

Now, boys,

this is Snake Walker.

Tell 'em what you do, Snake.

Kill frogs.

- How long is it to Hollywood?

- We gotta be there by tomorrow.

Hey, Kermit! Are you going to

get an agent like that pig had?

Gonzo, you know

he's touchy about that.

- Hey, who's that? I don't believe that.

- Oh, no.

- That's Piggy.

- Yeah, I know.

Do you think we should

help her with her bag?

Oh, Kermie!

What an unbelievable coincidence!

Hello again.

It's me!

Would you hold

my laundry case?

- Well.

- Well what?

So much has happened to me

since I saw you last.

Frankly, Miss Piggy,

I don't give a hoot.

My name is Rowlf the Dog, and I was

playin' the piano in a... Oh, never mind.

I missed you.

Don't I get

one kissy-kissy?

I don't think so, Miss Piggy.

Just one little hug?

You've been listening

to music to hug frogs by...

and this is Doc Hopper sayin'

that if Kermit the Frog...

don't stop right now and call me...

and agree to be my national spokesman,

he will soon be a frogburger.

- We'll be okay.

- Oh, mon capitaine.

Oh, boy. Yeah.

What? No problem!

It's okay, it's okay.

No problem. Hey, all right!

We're in trouble.

I wish I still had

my Studebaker.

There's probably somethin'

broken about the engine.

Hey, don't worry.

Someone's bound to come along.

Yeah?

Well, I guess we blew it,

huh, Gonzo?

Yeah.

But the sky sure is

beautiful out here.

Look at that.

We're gonna miss

the auditions tomorrow, right?

Boy, you could get lost

in a sky like that.

I wish I had

those balloons again.

So much for Hollywood.

Listen, gang.

I never promised we'd make it.

I never promised anything.

This looks familiar

Vaguely familiar

Almost unreal, yet

It's too soon to feel yet

Close to my soul

And yet so far away

I'm going to go

back there someday

Sun rises, night falls

Sometimes the sky calls

Is that a song there

And do I belong there

I've never been there

But I know the way

I'm going to go back there

Someday

Come and go with me

It's more fun to share

We'll both be completely

At home in midair

We're flyin', not walking

On featherless wings

We can hold on to young

Like invisible string

There's not a word yet

For old friends who've just met

Part heaven, part space

Or have I found my place

You can just visit

But I plan to stay

I'm going to go back there

Someday

I'm going to go back there

Someday

I didn't promise anybody anything.

What do I know

about Hollywood anyway?

Just the dreams I got from sitting

through too many double features.

So why did you leave the swamp

in the first place?

'Cause some agent fella

said I had talent.

He probably says that

to everybody.

On the other hand,

if you hadn't left the swamp...

you'd be feeling

pretty miserable anyhow.

Yeah, but then it would

just be me feelin' miserable.

Now I got a lady pig

and a bear and a chicken...

a dog, a thing...

whatever Gonzo is.

- He's a little like a turkey.

- Yeah, A little like a turkey.

- But not much.

- No, I guess not.

Anyhow, I brought 'em all out here

into the middle of nowhere.

It's all my fault.

Still...

whether you promised them

something or not...

you gotta remember

they wanted to come.

But that's because

they believed in me.

No, they believed

in the dream.

- Well, so do I, but...

- You do?

- Yeah. Of course I do.

- Well, then?

Well, then...

I guess I was wrong

when I said I never promised anyone.

I promised me.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

Hey, what's happening?

At the moment,

we're what's happening.

Oh, great!

Wonderful! Yeah!

Zoot! Hey, Zoot!

Hold it, hold it.

Animal, cool it back there.

Yeah.

All right, yeah.

Hey, it's wonderful to see you,

but how did you ever find us?

Oh, easy. We just read

the screenplay you left us.

"Exterior desert, night."

We knew right where you were.

Like, can you get behind it?

Hey, when you dudes

have to be at that audition?

- 2:00 tomorrow afternoon.

- Well, climb aboard the bus.

We'll have breakfast

at Hollywood and Vine.

Movin'right along

Oh, yeah

Here we go.

Movin'right along

Kermie, whisper sweet nothings

into my ear.

Motorcycle cop.

"Motorcycle cop"

is a sweet nothing?

A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

Hey, Dr. Teeth,

you better pull over.

Hey, easier done than said.

- Drag city.

- What do we do now?

Oh, dear.

Hey, hey. The man with the badge.

The police.

The cops, the fuzz, the P-l...

- Don't you dare.

- I wouldn't think of it.

Did we do something

wrong, Officer?

- Kermie, it's him!

- Okay, gang. Let him explain.

This whole disguise is

only so I could warn you.

Yeah. Sure, sure.

I never thought Doc would hurt Kermit.

I thought he was gonna lean on him.

But now he's got this

frog killer in from the coast...

and the man is deadly!

Oh, no. Kermit,

what are we gonna do?

It's time to beat feet,

green stuff.

I love it. Chase music is

one of our best riffs.

Hold it, Dr. Teeth.

What's up ahead?

- Only an old ghost town.

- Fine.

Listen, you go tell Doc Hopper

I'll be waiting for him there.

- What?

- Kermit, you'll get killed!

Listen, guys. Listen.

I can't spend my whole life

running away from a bully.

It's time for a showdown.

Chugga, chugga.

Hey, listen.

I'm gonna check things out.

Everybody stay

on the bus, okay?

- Hey, Kermit?

- Yeah?

Can I take Animal for a walk?

He needs some exercise.

Yeah, sure.

What is that?

That's one of my latest inventions...

a musical rotating rain barrel.

- Oh, yeah.

- You see...

I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew,

and this is my assistant, Beaker.

We live here,

perfecting useful inventions.

Come in, come in.

Welcome to our laboratory.

Please don't touch anything.

Is this the only street into town?

Yes, yes.

Hey, what are you dudes

doin' in here?

I'm so glad you asked!

We're perfecting

our latest invention...

insta-grow pills.

Well, what in the name

of Fats Waller is that?

A four-foot prune!

A four-foot prune.

Yeah, man. Well, what else

do these pills make big?

They work on anything.

But the effect is,

sadly, temporary.

Sadly temporary.

Hey, Kermit!

Here comes Doc Hopper!

I know.

I'll be ready for him.

Okay, frog. Where are ya?

I'm here. I'll meet you

in the middle of the street.

- Oh, yeah?

- Man to frog.

- All right, Hopper.

- All right, frog.

One last chance.

You can do my TV commercials

live or stuffed.

What's the matter with you?

You gotta be crazy chasin' me

halfway across the country.

Why are you doin' this to me?

'Cause all my life I wanted to own

a thousand frog-leg restaurants...

and you're the key, greenie.

Yeah, well,

I've got a dream too.

But it's about singing and

dancing and making people happy.

The kind of dream that gets better

the more people you share it with.

And, well, I've found a whole bunch

of friends who have the same dream.

And it kind of

makes us like a family.

You have anybody

like that, Hopper?

Once you get all those restaurants,

who're you gonna share it with?

Who are your friends, Doc?

Those guys?

I got lots of friends.

Max, for instance.

- Max.

- I don't think you're a bad man, Doc.

I think if you look

in your heart...

you'll find you really want

to let me and my friends go...

to follow our dream.

But if that's not

the kind of man you are...

and if what I'm saying

doesn't make any sense to you...

well, then,

go ahead and kill me.

All right, boys.

Kill him.

No, wait, please!

- Everybody goin' to Hollywood?

- Yeah!

Next stop is

Hollywood and Vine.

Look at the ocean!

The ocean!

Yes, Mr. Lord. I'll have those

deal memos for you in a jiffy.

I'm sorry.

Mr. Lord can't be disturbed by anyone.

He's packaging a blockbuster.

Look! It's wonderful!

Like a dream come true.

Don't count your tadpoles until they're

hatched. I still have to audition.

Hey, ain't nothin' to it

but to do it.

And where do you think

you're going?

Hi, there!

I'm going to audition for Lew Lord.

You can't just walk in here

off the street, you know.

Especially not with

all these animals.

Animals?

What's wrong with animals?

This is a movie studio,

not a zoo!

Besides...

I'm allergic to animal hair.

Now, get along, all of you.

Now, wait a second.

See here, miss.

I may not be one of your fancy

Hollywood frogs, but I deserve a chance.

We're going to stay here until you let

us in to see Lew Lord, aren't we, gang?

Yes! Yes!

- Yeah, come on!

- We're gonna sit right down and wait.

Yes, Security? Miss Tracy.

I want to report a...

Shake! Shake, everyone!

- That's it!

- Look what it's doing!

- Go get 'em, man!

- Way to go!

Allergies are nothing

to sneeze at.

I'm allergic to cats, myself.

Okay, way to go, guys!

Thanks, miss.

Well, friends...

this is it.

Mr. Lord? Forgive the interruption,

but I'm here to audition.

Yes, yes.

We've come over 2,000 miles just...

Oh, boy.

We're all with you.

Please, sir, my name is Kermit the Frog,

and we read your ad...

and, well, we've come

to be rich and famous.

Miss Tracy...

prepare the standard

"Rich and Famous" contract...

for Kermit the Frog and company.

Just look at all this.

How did a frog

make the big time?

It starts when we're kids.

A show-off at school

Makin'faces at friends

You're a clown and a fool

Doin'pratfalls and birdcalls

and bad imitations

Ignoring your homework

There's that dedication

Working the mirror

You're getting standing ovations

You're burning with hope

You're building up steam

What was once "juvenile-ish"

is grown up and stylish

You're close to your dream

If somebody out there loves you

- Stands up and hollers for more

- More!

You've found a home

at the magic store

All right, everybody,

production number, okay?

Off the trucks

and on the job!

- On the job!

- Hey, whoa! Aw, geez...

Wow, let's do it!

- Do what?

- The movie!

- Yes, sir! A footstomper!

- Makeup!

- Yes! Let's do it!

- Fozzie, take those wagons out of there.

Yes, sir. I'm off.

Scenery over there. Great.

Moving right along. Hey!

Hey, those are

the trees for the swamp.

Mellow and profitable.

- Let's make the scene!

- Okay, hon.

- Watch the tree, Rowlf.

- Careful, Scooter.

Watch it!

Miss Piggy,

you look beautiful.

- Thank you!

- Hollywood talk.

Good.

The lights... Yeah.

Good. Save those arcs.

Crazy Harry plays

with electricity!

Sound is ready.

Give me a level.

Testing!

Rolling.

Okay, everybody.

Stay in focus, huh?

Okay. Muppet Movie,

scene 1 -A, take 1.

- Makeup ready!

- Scenery ready!

- Yeah, good.

- Film is running!

- Camera rollin'!

- All ready, Kermie!

Okay, stand by.

Here we go!

Why are there so many

Songs about rainbows

That's part of what rainbows do

Rainbows are memories

Sweet dream reminders

Of what is it

you'd like to do

All of us watching and wishing

We'd find it

I've noticed

you're watching too

Someday you'll find it

The rainbow connection

The lovers, the dreamers and

Life's like a movie

Write your own ending

Keep believing

Keep pretending

We've done just what

we set out to do

Thanks to the lovers

The dreamers

And you

I just knew I'd catch up

with you guys!

Go home! Go home!

Bye-bye.